You two are banned for life!
— Mall Cop to Max and Phoebe
Phoebe and Max head out on a trip to the mall to buy Hank's birthday gift and end up having a run-in with security.
It's Hank's birthday. Barb is trying her best to give him the best birthday especially after last year where Hank ended up in a hospital. She gets the kids to be nice to him and forces them to wish him a happy birthday. She then gets Hank out of the house so that they can prepare a surprise birthday party for him.
Barb assigns duties to the kids. Phoebe and Max get one job: to get their dad's watch from the mall. Billy and Nora would be left at home to do gift-wrapping, decorations and cake. But first, it's Nora's turn to explain things to Billy.
The Thunder Twins get their dad's watch and are about to leave the mall when Oyster joins them and says that Max called him. Phoebe accuses Max of calling his friend to hangout when they should be going home right away. But then, Ashley shows up and claims that Phoebe texted her to join them. They plan on hanging out together but Phoebe says that boys get distracted easily. Max and Oyster get distracted by a pair of Ear Blaster headphones on sale. Ear Blaster headphones are very hard to find. They have the highest sound quality and noise-cancellation features. Max can't wait to get them so that he doesn't have to listen to Phoebe anymore. But they cost $80. Max and Phoebe agree to hang around the mall for half an hour so that they won't be late for dad's birthday party.
Max enters money into the machine to get the Ear Blasters but it rejects his last dollar bill. He wonders why but Oyster sarcastically suggests that it's probably because they have Max's face on one side. The Max-Bucks. The Max Bucks never caught on because there is a bunny on the back. Since Oyster doesn't have a dollar either, they result to collecting change from the wishing pond next to them. Oyster stays to guard the machine so that no one else puts in the last dollar while Max goes into the pool. But first, he steals candy from a baby.
Phoebe and Ashley plan to check out the carousel but before going there, they spot Madison approaching. Phoebe complains to Ashley about Madison for being such a fake, spoiled snob. Madison and Phoebe hate-greet each other with fake smiles. Phoebe is surprised to see Madison carrying a Sarah Finn bag because she didn't know they opened that store over there. Of course she didn't know, laughs Madison. That store is high-class, and she is... gym-class. Madison tells them to check out the Denim Dungeon instead. Phoebe and Ashley vow to prove to Madison that they're just as good as she is. They head to the Sarah Finn store. Phoebe's plan is to try on fancy clothes, hide tags, take photos on them and post online. Then return the clothes. It almost works but they get caught by the Sarah Finn Assistant Manager, Mr. Hollister who mocks their fashion and tells them the Denim Dungeon moved downstairs.
When Ashley points out the assistant manager is rude to them even though he doesn't even them, Phoebe gets an idea. Phoebe calls the manager and speaks to him in a fake British accent claiming that her name is Lady Pipi Whiffenpouf, a rich heiress from England. Ashley, unable to think quickly says in fake English accent that she is Lady Gaga. No relation. Hollister apologizes for his rudeness and offers to give them free scones. Phoebe and Ashley try on more clothes as they take cute selfies for Madison to see.
At the same time, Max gets in trouble with a mall guard for collecting change from the wishing well. He shouts asking the guard to let him go. Phoebe hears Max's voice and runs to find out what happened. Unfortunately, Phoebe crosses the store exit with an unpaid expensive vest, triggering the alarms to go off. Ashley almost crosses but manages to stop before being detected as well. Phoebe gets mad at Max for what he did. But then the Sarah Finn manager catches Phoebe and calls her a thief. The Assistant Manager accuses both Thunder Twins, claiming that it looks like stealing is their family business. Max and Phoebe get kicked out of the mall forever. The guard throws them into the dumpsters outside.
Meanwhile, back at home, Barb's perfect plan for Hank's surprise birthday is jeopardized when Hank returns early. Barb panics and throws the cake into Max's Lair covering Colosso's face with it. Billy super-speeds to hide the decorations. Hank tells them that the course was cancelled because of bad weather. And on his way, he was struck twice by lightning on his butt. Barb kicks Hank out of the house so that he doesn't see them planning his birthday party. She lies to Hank that being in the house could risk the safety of their children because he's supercharged by lightning.
She even uses some of her own "Take It From Electress" safety commercials that she used to do back in Metroburg. She distracts Hank by coming up with fake birthday games. Barb calls Max and Phoebe to hurry up but since the twins are stuck at the dumpsters, Max lies to her that he's waiting for Phoebe to get one more thing. Barb then goes back inside and tries to prepare another cake as soon as possible. But Nora and Billy aren't helping much either.
To get their dad's watch back, Max comes up with a plan. He and Phoebe enter into trash bins, then use telekinesis to move each other until the bins get inside the mall. After the twins moving closer to the mall, the assistant manager who kicked them out passes by on his way for a massage. He unboxes Hank's watch and throws the case in Max's bin. Phoebe and Max realize he's a thief too. The twins get out of the bin to follow him. Max sees Oyster struggling to stop kids from putting in the last dollar to win the Ear Blasters. He wants to save him but Phoebe assures Max that Oyster can take care of himself.
During massage, Hollister starts telling his masseur about the annoying girl Phoebe. Max moves the masseur's money container using telekinesis. This forces the masseur to run after the money while Phoebe takes over to give the massage. Phoebe makes the massage as painful as possible as she tries to defend her name in a fake voice. Instead of Max taking the watch back during that moment, he plans on stealing a dollar to get the Ear Blasters. Phoebe confronts him about it but unfortunately she breaks character and speaks it in her own voice. Hollister recognizes Phoebe's voice. Max and Phoebe stand up against him for stealing their dad's watch. They steal their watch back and use telekinesis to make Hollister beat himself up before throwing him into the wishing pond.
Oyster is left stuck inside the machine. The kids managed to defeat him and one of them won the Ear Blasters headphones. Max and Phoebe assume that Oyster has already left.
The twins go home, only to find their mom leaving an angry voicemail for Phoebe. Hank discovers that he was being tricked by Barb to stay outside. So he runs into the house to go to the bathroom. He finds a lot of his favorite people - most of them, food delivery guys - inside the house. They yell surprise and he thanks them but he has to go to the bathroom. Since the bathrooms in the house are occupied, he decides to go to the gas station instead. Phoebe and Max give him his birthday gift, the watch.
Hank gets outside ready for his birthday. Unfortunately, the lightning strikes his butt again. Barb realizes that the watch was a super-conductor of electricity. She blames herself for not following her own "Take It From Electress" safety commercials.
Hank is rushed to the hospital. Unconscious.
- Kira Kosarin as Phoebe Thunderman
- Jack Griffo as Max Thunderman
- Addison Riecke as Nora Thunderman
- Diego Velazquez as Billy Thunderman
- Chris Tallman as Hank Thunderman
- Rosa Blasi as Barb Thunderman
- Dana Snyder as Dr. Colosso (voice)
- J.P. Manoux as Mr. Hollister
- Maxfield Lund as Masseur
- Bob Rusch as Mall Cop
- Madison's hate on Phoebe was first seen in Cheer and Present Danger.
- This is the second birthday episode. The first one was Max and Phoebe's birthday in Have an Ice Birthday. Barb's birthday episode is Aunt Misbehavin'.
- In Stealing Home, it is revealed that Electress had a medical drama show. That might explain why she had the "Take It From Electress" commercials.
- This is Ashley and Madison's last appearances.
- Dr.Colosso was not shown in this episode, however, he did talk. He was completely absent in This Looks Like a Job For... and Thunder in Paradise, however.
- The title is an allusion to the phrase "all time crooks."
Hank: And on the way home, I was struck by lightning - twice!
— Hank, Billy, Nora
Max: Why isn't this thing taking my last dollar?
— Max and Oyster
Phoebe: Is that a Sarah Finn bag? I didn't know they opened a store here.
— Phoebe and Madison
Phoebe: So, that was women's perfume that girl sprayed you with.
— Phoebe and Max
You may view Mall Time Crooks gallery here
You may view Mall Time Crooks transcript here.