The Amazing Rat Race/Transcript

Season 2

Episode 17

Production

Air Date

March 3, 2015

Prod. Code

214

Crew

Writer

Dicky Murphy

Director

Eric Dean Seaton

Episode Guide
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This article is a transcript of the Thundermans episode "The Amazing Rat Race" from season two, which aired on March 3, 2015.

[episode begins with Max, Oyster, Gideon and Angus setting a rat race in the backyard]
Max: And now may the fastest rat win.
Oyster: Hey guys. We always do the fastest rat. You know a really says Rock'N'Roll. May the fattest rat win.
Max: Maybe you should stop feeding him gravy.
Oyster: Don't tell me how to raise my rat. [starts feeding his rat using a baby bottle] Who's hungry baby? [[[Phoebe Thunderman|Phoebe]] shows up]
Phoebe: Oh. Hey guys. I just booked DJ Astronaut for the big dance. [notices the rats] Oh look, you already found dates.
Max: The band couldn't agree on a new look. So we're deciding what to wear by racing rats.
Phoebe: Couldn't you just talk it out?
Oyster: But then what we do with the rats?
Phoebe: If your band has a fashion emergency, you should just ask me. What are your options?
Max: Well, I want punk rock.
Angus: Scary Skeletons.
Gideon: Robots.
Oyster: Nothing but puka shells.
Phoebe: Well. The good news is: no matter who wins, all lose.
Max: [to his rat] Don't listen to her. You're the winner Danica Rat-trick. And apparently a boy.
Gideon: Gentlemen. Start your rats!
Angus: Oh, hold on. Mine is pooping. [pause] Alright. We're good. [the band puts their rats in their positions]
Oyster: [holding an air horn] On your mark. Get set. Rat race! [presses the horn and the race starts]
Max: C'mon Danica. Run!
Oyster: C'mon and run big girl.
Gideon: Do it for the robots.
Angus: Don't poop. Run! [Gideon's rat arrives at the finish line]
Gideon: Yeah! [grabs his rat] You know what this means guys. [the band now wears robot costumes as Gideon starts talking like a robot] Initiating Music mode. [the band start dancing like a robot as Gideon makes robot sounds. Max's body starts acting weird]
Angus: That's not how robot dance is Max.
Max: I'm not dancing. My rat is loose in my costume. [Max's rat is making his body act weird as it tries to find a way out]
[theme song]
[the scene changes to Hiddenville High. Phoebe and Cherry are selling tickets to the school dance]
Cherry: [to a girl] And here's your ticket. [gives to the girl the ticket for the dance and a boy is next] And your ticket. [gives to the boy the ticket for the dance and another girl is next] And your... wait. Am I supposed to be charging people?
Phoebe: [gets a text] Oh no. [Cherry gets up]
Cherry: [holding her shoe] Don't worry. I'll get their money.
Phoebe: Wha- Nooo. [stops Cherry from beating someone] No. I just got an email from DJ Astronaut. [reading] Dear mission control. I'm too sick to lift off so I won't be able to rock it tonight? [not reading] Just guys who use cute astronaut language, doesn't make it better.
Cherry: What are we going to do? The dance is ruined!
Male student: What?
Female student: The dance is ruined?
Phoebe: Uh. She's joking. The dance is not ruined. It's... it's gonna be off the chain. And hook, Deven handled. It's gonna be off all the things. [she and Cherry walk to hallway to talk to each other privately] Cherry. This is the biggest dance of the year. If people find out I messed up the music, they'll never forgive me. [Cherry takes off her shoe]
Cherry: I'll make them forgive you. [decides to beat someone with her shoe but Phoebe stops her again]
Phoebe: Okay. You can't keep solving problems with your shoes. [notices Max and his band mates walking in] Wait. I think I just figured out a way to save the dance. [runs towards Max and his friends] Hey Max. How would you and your band like to play the dance tonight?
Max: Uh. Yes.
Phoebe: Well, there's no pay.
Max: Yes.
Phoebe: And you'll have no time to rehearse
Max: What part of "yes" don't you understand?
Oyster: Sweetches. It's still good beside playing at Gideon's mom's gas station.
Angus: Yeah. She was gonna pay some gas entire rotations.
Max: Sorry Gideon. But I much rather play for teenage girls, then truck drivers.
Gideon: Lady truck drivers.
Angus: Ladies? I'm changing my vote back to gas station.
Gideon: It looks like we're split. Only one way to settle this.
Phoebe: Oh no. Please don't tell me it's another...
Oyster: Fat race! [Max gives him a look that he said it wrong] I know. It's rat race. [scene changes back to Max holding his rat in the living room. Phoebe enters the living room, closes the door and drops her bag to the ground]
Phoebe: So Max. Ready to win that rat race?
Max: Oh. We're not gonna win.
Phoebe: [shocked] What?
Max: He's never won. [to his rat] If you weren't so adorable, I would be kicking you onto the streets.
Phoebe: I need your band to save the dance. Why would you even agree to race?
Max: No choice. Band rule number 77, in case of disagreement, rat race.
Phoebe: Your band has 77 rules?
Max: Yeah, but rules 1 through 76 are rock hard, rock out, rock your face off, rock--
Phoebe: I get it. [[[Hank Thunderman|Hank]] and Nora come in after gardening. Nora is covered of soil while Hank doesn't have even a stain]
Hank: Well. We did some good gardening out there today, Nora.
Nora: We? You just stood there in the chair.
Hank: It's called supervising. And I did it without a chair. [Nora notices Max holding his rat]
Nora: Oh. Who's this little furry... ah! Rat! [screams and runs away upwards]
Hank: Max. You have to keep that filthy thing out of the house.
Max: Dad. She's right here.
Phoebe: And she has telekinesis. [uses telekinesis to make Max slap himself twice and smiles. Barb and Billy, who is holding ice cream, arrive]
Hank: Hey, Billy. Hey, honey. Hello, ice cream. [walks to get the ice cream]
Barb: It's for Billy. We decided that ice cream was better than joining the track team.
Billy: You decided. [puts his ice cream down] I want to join the team so I could super-speed and win races.
Barb: Billy. If we're gonna to live in Hiddenville, we all have to hide something. Like Max and Phoebe's telekinesis or your father's super strength.
Hank: Your mother's snoring. [Barb makes a confused look] Oh. You were talking about superpowers. [Barb nods in confirmation]
Billy: I'm the fastest kid in the world and no one knows. [angrily super-speeds upwards]
Barb: Aww. I feel bad. [Hank grabs Billy's ice cream]
Hank: Nah. He'll come around. He's learned 2 valuable lessons today: Living in Hiddenville requires sacrifices and never leave your ice cream unattended. [starts eating Billy's ice cream as Barb gives her a mean look] I'll show you the hard work I did in the garden. [takes Barb to see "his" work at the garden as Max shows the face that he just got an idea]
Max: Interesting. Billy wants to win races, we've got a race to win.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay. But even your friends might know that Billy is not a rat.
Max: He could be a rat if we shock him with the Animalizer. Dad used it to turn Dr. Colosso into a rabbit. We could use it to turn Billy into a rat. If I only knew where it was.
Phoebe: I know where it is. [covers her mouth with her right hand]
Max: Wow. Remind me to never tell you a secret. Tell me where.
Phoebe: I can't. Dad would kill us. That thing is extremely dangerous. It's in the kitchen! [covers her mouth with her right hand again and Max heads to the kitchen] Why do I keep doing that? [heads to the kitchen as well]
Max: Because you know it's the right thing to do. When we were Billy's age, we could use our powers whenever we wanted to. We don't have to hide a thing.
Phoebe: You're right. We'd be bad siblings if we didn't turn him into a rat.
Max: That's the spirit. C'mon Phoebe. Make with the blabby blab.
Phoebe: It's in the top cabinet next to the fresh can of Brussel sprouts and pull! Oh! That felt good.
Max: Brussel sprouts? [uses telekinesis to open the top cabinet and pulls the can of Brussel sprouts which causes the door of the kitchen counter open and reveal the Animalizer] The Animalizer. It's beautiful! How did you figure that out? [scene changes to one previous day with Phoebe looking for snacks at the top cabinet]
Phoebe: Chips, cookies. [gasps] Brussel sprouts. [pulls the can of Brussel sprouts and the door of the kitchen counter opens containing the Animalizer. Phoebe looks at the sides to see if anyone did see what she did. Scene changes back to the present time]
Max: You picked Brussel sprouts over chips?
Phoebe: They're like little baby cabbages. C'mon. Name a cuter food.
Max: Apricots.
Phoebe: Oh my Gosh. Yes, they're baby peaches. [scene changes to her and Max in Max's Lair, explaining to Billy the plan]
Max: And that is how you can use your powers to win a race right here in Hiddenville.
Billy: A rat race?
Phoebe: We know it's not the same but...
Billy: It's even better! And it takes care of 2 dreams at once.
Phoebe: You've dreamed to becoming a rat?
Max: He agreed. Let it go.
Dr. Colosso: And don't worry Billy. The Animalizer can turn you back into a human. To gaming straight, Max'll now use it on me.
Max: Not happening Colosso.
Dr. Colosso: But I wanna be a man again! [the twins laugh of Dr. Colosso's misery]
Phoebe: He used to be a person. Alright Billy, you have to promise not to tell Mom and Dad.
Billy: My rat guills'll be sealed.
Phoebe: He knows what a rat is, right?
Max: He's about to find out. [grabs the Animalizer and pulls the lever of the machine back causing a beam to hit Billy, turning him into a rat and also causing his clothes to fall due to his small size. The beam fades away]
Billy: Oh, man. It didn't work. You guys just made the room really big.
Phoebe: Yep. Still Billy. [scene changes to Nora being brought to the backyard by Barb and Hank]
Barb: Alright Nora. Ready to deal with your fear of rats?
Nora: Why should I? Isn't it normal to be afraid of rats?
Hank: Yes. But... [notices Max and his band mates setting the rat race that'll decide the place to play] you're a superhero. And you'll have to face a lot of rat thing villains some day. Professor Packrat, Rattata, Tomy the cheese eater, Rata Ricky.
Barb: Freaking rat, Ratzilla, Ratastrophe.
Nora: I get it! I'll face my fears.
Hank: Max? Would be okay if Nora pets one of your rats?
Max: Sure. [shows Billy the rat to Nora and she opens her mouth like she was screaming]
Hank: What is she doing?
Barb: I-I think she's screaming in a frequency we can't hear. [a glass vase breaks suddenly and Nora runs away]
Hank: Well. She's certainly ready to fight glass men.
Barb: Let's go get Billy. Maybe he can calm her down.
Phoebe: No, no. Don't! Uh, we just spoked to him. He's still upset and doesn't want to talk to you guys yet.
Max: Yeah. We'll tell you when he's changed back. [Phoebe gives him a nudge] Changes his mind. [Barb and Hank walk away]
Gideon: Hey Max. Your rat is gonna get its tail into him and you're gonna rock out in my mom's gas station.
Max: The only gas we're gonna get is gas from the chili of school dance.
Billy: Nice one Max.
Angus: Who said that?
Phoebe: Said what?
Angus: "Nice one Max."
Max: Thanks Angus.
Angus: This is getting weird. Let's just race.
Oyster: Okay. It's go time. [he and his band mates put their rats in their positions] On your mark. Get set. Rat race! [presses the horn of the same airhorn he used earlier. Billy the Rat super-speeds and arrives at the finish line before the other rats could start running as Oyster is fascinated] That's the fastest rat in the world. What kind of gravy do you feed him?
Phoebe: Way to go Billy.
Angus: What kind of car driver is named Billy?
Phoebe: The kind that wins.
Oyster: [cheering] Billy.
Oyster, Phoebe and Max: [cheering] Billy. Billy. Billy. Billy. Billy. [Phoebe and Max enter the living room and Billy is on Max's shoulder]
Phoebe: Billy. You saved the dance.
Max: You're great, buddy.
Billy: I know. Everyone was chanting my name. This the best day of my life.
Phoebe: It's almost too bad if we turn you back.
Billy: Then don't. I finally used my super-speed to win a race. I don't want to go back to hiding my powers.
Max: Sorry buddy. But if Dad finds out Phoebe and I used the Animalizer, he would turn us into rats.
Billy: Cool. Then we could race and I could kick your little rat butts.
Phoebe: Alright. I'm glad you had fun but it's over now.
Billy: Not for me. See you suckers. [super-speeds away]
Phoebe: Billy?
Max: Billy?
Both: BILLY! [scene changes to Phoebe holding a net as she heads to the kitchen to find her younger brother]
Phoebe: Billy. You can't stay a rat forever. Come on out. [Max appears behind her]
Max: Phoebe. [Phoebe gets scared and traps him in he net] I'm not a rat.
Phoebe: Mm. [takes the net out of Max and puts it down] Max. I'm getting nervous. If Mom and Dad find out about Billy, you can't play the dance and I won't save the dance. [Max finds Billy]
Max: There he is. [points where Billy is] Distract him and keep annoying.
Billy: You'll never catch me slow humans. [laughs evilly. Max tries to freeze him using his freeze breath but Billy super-speeds and dodges it. Phoebe sees a basket and hopes trapping Billy in it using telekinesis to turn it upside down but Billy dodges it as well by using his super-speed] Keep it up. I'm the fastest rat in the world.
Phoebe: He's right Max. We should just let him live as a rat forever. [quietly] Get the Animalizer.
Billy: You're not using that thing on me.
Phoebe: You heard that?
Billy: My ears are so big. I can hear birds fart. You think I'm gonna give it up? [super-speeds away]
Max: Wait Billy! What is it sound like? [Phoebe looks at him puzzled. Scene changes to the backyard where Barb is using a rat puppet to convince Nora to leave of being afraid of rats]
Barb: [as Randy] There's no need to be afraid of rats. Take it from me. Randy rat.
Nora: Really Mom? A puppet?
Barb: [as Randy] I'm not a puppet. I'm your friend.
Nora: Enough Randy.
Barb: [as Randy] Got it. [normal] Got it.
Nora: You guys had 3 kids before me and this is the best you can do? [walks away]
Hank: Uh.
Barb: Hank. They're your kids too.
Hank: Barb. I was talking about that rat over there. [points to Billy the Rat in the kitchen door]
Barb: [as Randy] Uh oh. [normal] Okay. I'm just done with this.
Hank: Max's races must be attracting wild rats. I got this. [grabs a garden glove and throws it at Billy the Rat but Billy super-speeds into the house and dodges it]
Barb: Great Hank. You scared him into the house.
Hank: [as Randy] Don't blame Hank. He tries so hard to make you happy. [normal] Thanks Randy.
Barb: Okay. [touches the puppet's head]
Hank: Ah. His head. [scene changes to Max and Phoebe arriving to the front door. Phoebe is holding a buggy board, a skate, a ball and videogames]
Max: Great idea Phoebe. If rat Billy wants to play with all this cool stuff, he'll turn back into boy Billy. Genius.
Phoebe: Yeah, thanks. But why am I carrying everything?
Max: Do you want to save your dance by catching Billy? [opens the door and finds a man, who appears to be an exterminator, putting rat traps around the floor] Uh, Phoebe. [pushes the stuff down and Phoebe sees the exterminator and screams]
Darryl: I get that a lot. [Barb and Hank enter the living room]
Phoebe: Mom. Who's this?
Barb: The exterminator.
Darryl: Darryl the rat man. If they're crawling, Darryl comes to the calling. I also teach yoga.
Hank: Your rat race attracted wild rats.
Darryl: So if you want to catch a rat, you've gotta think like a rat. [holding his rat hat] And put on your rat hat. [puts his rat hat on and starts acting like rat]
Max: Rat man is insane?
Phoebe: Mom, Dad, you can't do this.
Hank: [confused] Why not?
Phoebe: Because... rats are people too. [murmuring] Some are different than others.
Darryl: That's why the rat man always carries rat friendly traps. [Phoebe sighs in relief]
Phoebe: Good.
Darryl: But I left those home so I got these. [holding a rat trap] The old snap and crack. [makes the trap crack. Phoebe covers her mouth with her hands because she worries that the traps might hurt Billy] Now. Stay out of the danger zone unless your a rat, in which case, come on down. [rubs his hands]
Hank: You want to hear the crazy part. I didn't call him, he just showed up. [Darryl sneaks behind him and Barb]
Darryl: Because I'm the rat man! [Barb and Hank move away from him]
Barb: I've better warn Billy. I think he's still in his room.
Max: Actually, he's in my lair. Yeah, we'll tell him. Come on Phoebe. [he starts heading to his lair]
Darryl: Careful with the danger zone.
Phoebe: Actually I'm concerned about the crazy zone. [she and Max arrive to the lair] Billy.
Max: Rat boy.
Dr. Colosso: [in a fake voice] Over here. [Max and Phoebe notice Dr. Colosso wearing fake rat ears so he could trick the twins that he's Billy and keeps talking in a fake voice] Um, I'm Billy. Turn me back into a human. 2 plus 2 is 6 and, other dumb stuff like that. [the twins don't buy it and Phoebe notices Billy's rat tail next to Max's computer which means Billy has been hiding behind it]
Phoebe: Max. Look.
Max: Billy. We see you.
Phoebe: You're in danger. There's an exterminator in the house.
Billy: Wow. I'm really scared.
Max: You don't know what an exterminator is, do you?
Billy: I do not.
Phoebe: Is a guy who catches rats.
Billy: Well, good luck. 'Cause I'm the world's fastest rat. [super-speeds to the floor] I told you you couldn't catch me.
Max: Hey Billy. We just, uh, wanted to thank you for winning that race. So we've just got some gifts. Videogames, boogie boards.
Phoebe: A bunch of other stuff if you need to pull the thumbs to play with.
Billy: Nice try, but I'm not going back. Not when I can win races, climb walls and chew through cement.
Phoebe: Why do you want to chew through cement?
Billy: Because I can.
Phoebe: They're enough. [Nora comes in]
Nora: Hey. Have you guys seen Billy? [sees Billy the Rat] Ah! Rat! [loses control and accidentally zaps Phoebe's arm with her laser vision]
Phoebe: Ouch!
Max: Nora, get out of here before you hit something I care about. [Nora does so]
Billy: Nora is afraid of me? [Phoebe gives Max a look to use Nora as a reason to Billy agree being turned back into human]
Max: Uh. Of couse she is. Nora is afraid of all rats.
Phoebe: But who needs Nora when you've got all that cement to chew through?
Billy: Cement is the chicken of construction materials. But I don't want my sister to be afraid of me.
Phoebe: Well, then I think you know what we have to do.
Billy: Turn Nora into a rat, too?
Phoebe: [sternly] Billy.
Billy: Okay. I'll change back. For Nora.
Max: Thank you. [as he and Phoebe get the Animalizer, string cheese goes down the swirly slide and the smell attracts Billy]
Billy: Mm. String cheese. [crawls to the cheese]
Dr. Colosso: No. Billy don't. It's trap. I tried. [Billy jumps to get the chesse, which is being brought to Darryl]
Darryl: That's it ratty. Chase the cheese. [to Nora] Thanks for the tip, terrified girl. [Barb hugs Nora as Phoebe and Max grab the Animalizer]
Max: Alright. And we are ago to animalize. Let's change Billy back and get to that dance.
Phoebe: Alright Billy. We're ready. [turns around and finds that Billy is gone] B-Billy?
Darryl: [from the living room] Aha. Gotcha rat!
Phoebe and Max: Rat man! [put the Animalizer down and go after Billy. As they leave, Dr. Colosso tries to grab the Animalizer]
Dr. Colosso: Must... get... the Animalizer. [since he's in his cage, he can't reach it] Almost. [sighs in frustration] I'm never gonna get out of here. [Max and Phoebe walk through the living room]
Phoebe: We've gotta stop him. [she and Max, accidentally, run through the area with rat traps]
Max: [in slow motion] Oh, no. Danger zone.
Phoebe: [in a slow motion] Now who’s whining [she and Max fall into the rat traps and end with the traps snapped all over their bodies. Nora enters] Nora! We need your help.
Nora: I think so.
Phoebe: We used Dad's Animalizer to turn Billy into a rat so we could win a race.
Max: We would save him but we just got snapped in crack.
Phoebe: You're the only one who can do it.
Max: Except Mom and Dad. But we're not telling them because you know, we turned Billy into a rat.
Nora: You guys are just saying it's Billy so I'll face my fear. Who put you up to this? Mom? Dad? It was that puppet, wasn't it?
Max: Nora, would I lie to you? Would Phoebe lie to you?
Phoebe: Seriously Nora. That rat is Billy.
Nora: [scoffs] Like Billy would be dumb enough to let you 2 turn him into a rat. [thinks again] Billy, I'm coming! [runs outside leaving Max and Phoebe in the ground. Darryl the rat man has Billy in a box]
Barb: Thank you so much for catching that thing.
Hank: Guess it's all thanks to your... fancy hat.
Darryl: Are you mocking the rat hat?
Hank: What?! No. A little. [Darryl gets a little angry as Nora runs towards them]
Nora: Wait! You can't take him away.
Barb: Who? The rat?
Nora: Yeah. I... want... to keep him. As pet.
Hank: But, you're afraid of rats.
Nora: You said I need to face my fear. So here it goes. [opens the box and talks quietly] Uf. You better be Billy. [grabs Billy the rat with her eyes closed as she keeps a little disgusted] Yea. I'm over my fear.
Billy: [quietly] Thanks Nora. [Barb and Hank are impressed by their daughter's fear of rats being over]
Barb: Wow honey. Good for you.
Darryl: Uh. guys, I don't think you wanna keep a wild rat.
Nora: Back off rat man! [Darryl leaves with his stuff. Scene changes to Max's Lair where Nora is nursing Phoebe and Max's wounds and Billy has returned to his human self]
Phoebe: Thanks for your help Nora. [Nora zaps her in the wounds] Ouch!
Nora: That's for turning my brother into a rat.
Billy: Don't be mad at them Nora. I wanted to do it.
Nora: Are you gonna miss racing, Billy?
Billy: Yeah, but, not as much as I would miss you. [Nora smiles] At least I can see bird farts.
Dr. Colosso: Not a bird kid. Creak. Creak. [releases a fart and the kids get disgusted]
Phoebe: Hey Max. How are you doing? Do you think you'll be able to play the dance tonight?
Max: Maybe. If I freeze my fingers won't feel the pain. [uses his freeze breath on all his fingers and then tries to play guitar] Ow! Ow! Ow! [grinds his teeth in pain as Phoebe makes a worried expression on her face]
Phoebe: I guess that means no music. Which makes me the girl who ruined the dance.
Max: Unless there's... no dance. [Phoebe makes a surprised expression on her face] Billy. How would you like to be a rat [grabs the Animalizer] one last time? [Billy smiles. Scene changes to Hiddenville High with the students coming in to the dance as Phoebe stands in the hallway. Oyster, Gideon and Angus come in with their robot costumes]
Angus: Phoebe. Where is Max?
Oyster: Yeah. The dance is about to start and I'm not doing this if he doesn't have to.
Gideon: [talking as a robot] Initiating Freak out Mode. [normal] I'm freaking out!
Angus: We're never getting girls.
Phoebe: Okay, guys. No need to panic. [screams are heard. The students run away, screaming, and Oyster, Gideon and Angus leave as well as Phoebe didn't care about the situation. Once all the students are out, a rat crawls towards Phoebe and she picks it up] Nice job Billy. [Max, holding the Animalizer, and Billy, who is still human, show up and give a High Three] Oh. Hey Billy. [to the rat] You're not Billy. [faints. The episode ends]